Sunday, June 13, 2010

Trying to look at the positives...tired of the negatives.

I have a ton of stuff that I need to get done around here in the next couple of days...Middle Boy is having his 16th birthday party here on Wednesday night. It's "Casino Night", and we have a poker table and a blackjack table ready to go...along with 50 million decorations, including dealer costumes for Dad and I (and Oldest Boy) to wear. Should be fun, he's excited, and I'm excited for him...

Frustrated though that in spite of that, I'm feeling so down this morning. And I hate to post about things that are sad...I try to be encouraging and uplifting...but maybe I require the uplifting today, I don't know.

A close family member and I haven't spoken in almost two years...August will be two years. The last time I saw him was at my grandmother's funeral...he has ignored me since then.  I have called and written, and nothing. My kids have sent cards to him...still nothing. When I sent him an invitation to Oldest Boy's graduation, I put a note in there saying "Oldest Boy is really hoping that he will hear from you, you are greatly missed around here."

Did Oldest Boy hear from him? Nope.   Is my kid hurt by that? Yep.   Does that tick me off? You betcha.

We used to be really close, when Oldest Boy & Middle Boy were in elementary school, we used to see him often, and get cards, etc. from him. The kids adored him.

I am the queen of "Focus on those that love you."...."You have a million people who care about you."....."This is something wrong with (fill in name of hurtful person), it has nothing to do with you."   So why is this bothering me so freaking much?

I really do try to teach my sons that they can only control their own reactions, not the actions of others. I think it's a self-preservation technique really...I mean, you could go crazy wondering why someone doesn't love you, or care...but what good does that do?  I'm always telling them to be the best person they can, and let the hurtful stuff roll off them.... Why is it so hard to practice what I preach? 

I'm going to spend my day working on stuff for the party...focusing on this Middle Boy that I love so much...looking at the positives...hoping it helps.


  1. hey sweetie sorry you are so down about this...send me his address and I will write him a letter...I won't be cruel .... just honest...I really hate knowing that you are hurting so....we love you and need you in our lives...I know its a small me we'll drink lots and lots of Sangria and eat carbs :-)

  2. Sangria, yes...carbs, definitely. :) I love you.

  3. Sorry you are having a down day! I hope it gets better and know you always have us to vent to.


  4. Thank you, Dear. It's getting better. :) (Either that or I'm just exhausting myself too much to care right now.)

    Hope you have a great day today,


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